Dinna ken.............. Stop that Kenneth (Only people from Glasgow are called Jimmy the rest of us are called ken)
Some Geographical Facts on Scotland
Scotland is the oldest rock on the British Isles, proving once and for all that Scotland was here first. It has two great lakes or lochs known as Loch Ness and Loch Lomond put there by the Scottish tourist board to attract visitors. The others are for the use of absentee land lords who generally reside south of the border.
Scotland has lots of weather and usually all on the same day, apart from public holidays and the Glasgow Fair when it can be guaranteed to rain pissistantly.
A Very Concise History of Scotland
Scotland only existed in British history when she was at war with England. At all other times she fades into the Scotch mist to come alive again when the British (English) needed a war.
Like many places in Europe Scotland was invaded by the Romans and Sir Harry Lauder's famous song "Roman in the Gloamin" is a record of this, (it is now available on CD too) Unlike other countries they did not succeed and decided to honour the bravery of natives by preserving their country's natural beauty and to help keep the English out by building two huge big walls across the A1, M74 and
the M6.
Scotland faded into the mists of history to re-emerge with a system of government built around the family or clan. But families are famous for falling out, so this system of government became know as the 'feuding system'. The feuding became so bad that the wearing of tartan, identifying each individual as a member of a particular clan was banned for 36 years. Scots complained bitterly and where eventually allowed to put their clothes back on.
Scotland was built by King Kenneth Mac Alpine (that's why Scots are all called ken) who dropped a big stone from a place called Scone. Thus making the Dropped Scone of Stone and monarchs are still crowned on it today. (Or are they?????)
After him came a great many James' and a woman called Mary (she married a dolphin) and her son took on duel registration but was only ever referred to in books by his English registration number.
As we are now up to and past the Union of the Crowns/ Parliament Scotland has disappeared again into the mists. She will re emerge at some date in the future with the dissolution of this Union.
If you have made it this far in my diatribe you deserve some real stuff.....
Historical Quiz
Who Am I?
I wear green.
My girl friend/wife is called Marion.
I am an out law decreed as such by the invasion forces in my country.
I rob from these rich invaders and give to my poor country men.
I have a lot of trouble with a sheriff and I fight for the real king of my country who is abroad at the moment.
Wrong. The answer is not Robin Hood but William Wallace . Robin Hood did not exist. The Wallace did.
Wild Life
Scotland is 'midge' country, this insect is responsible for such Scottish delights as the Highland Fling. They appear at only one time each year- when you are on holiday. The female of the species bites so please take care to only approach the male.
A Guide to buying Whisky
