The Philosophy of
yir Grannie

(taken largely from the book)

"Haud Yir Wheesht"
by Allan Morrison

  • Grannie had something to say about everything. Her homilies are so much more experessive and succsinct than anything ever said in English.

  • My own personnal favourite is "haud yir wheesht". (I use this one often in class in my efforts to gain silence.)
  • If your grannie used to say something which tickled you and you don't see it here please Email me with it. If it tickles me to I'll put it on the page and credit you.

  • Some were wise and sage but some were hilariously funny. These are a few of my favourites.





    In General


    "Dinny ask the almighty - he's a busy man"

    Don't pray don't pray for something you can easily do yourself.

    "Yir grandpa's like thi weather - nae pattern"

    The Scottish climate is like like your granfather - completely unpredictable.

    "Yi can fuil ithers but no yir auld grannie"

    Ma mammy still says that tae me (-:

    You can't fool your nearest and dearest.

    "If yi decide tae grasp thi nettle mak sur there's a docken near by"

    Don't go for it' unless you can get out of it..

    "The rain is God's way o cleanin the coos"

    Even bad weather has its uses.

    "Speak o the deil an he'll appear"

    Talk about someone and they'll turn up.

    "Even some Sassenachs are guid!"

    There are good people everywhere.

    "Yir buttoned up the back like Achmohoy's dug"

    You are so thin your spine sticks out.

    "Awa an dry yir chin"

    It is time for you to be quiet.

    Her favourite subject wis aye the drink


    and there is more on this score here

    "A red nose maks a raggit back"

    If you drink too much, you may have no money for necessities.

    "Watch them waur to drink than to corn"

    Don't trust people who spend their money on drink in preference to food.

    "Drink little that yi may drink lang"

    Too much alcohol will shorten your life.

    "A dram brings truth unco close"

    Whiskey loosens the tongue and allows the truth to come out.

    As matriarch her sage council would be offered, sought or no.


    "Aye pat the richt end o' the wean"

    Knowing where and when to pat your offspring is all you need to know about brining up children.

    "A guid hame has guid weans"

    A loving family produces well - balanced children. (Well that lets me out)

    "Weans wi' big ears take it a' in"

    Be careful what you say in front of the children.

    "A balanced opinion's due a wean"

    Compliment children when the do well but reassure then when they fall.

    Food was another of grannie's favourite subjects (and did she no ken some belters)


    "Hunger is the best kitchen"

    A good appetite makes for good kitchen.

    "As the sow fills, the draft sours."

    The more you eat, the less you relish your food.

    "Better a sma fish than an empty dish".

    Better to have something rather than have nothing.

    "An eating horse neer foundered"

    A good appetite is a sign of rude health

    "Stoke up wi purridge"

    Breakfast is the best meal of the day.

    "Maist accidents are served up!"

    Most accidents occur in the kitchen. Mine used to tell me :

    "The airt o guid cookin is guid disaster management"

    Its nae loss whit a freen gits an here are sumhings ma freens gied me tae share. Fae Liz Thanks for everything, hen.


    "Daft dugs bite themsels"

    That was a stupid thing to do.

    "Yir heid's full o wee doors an' they're aw banging"

    You are making no sense whatsoever.

    "Whit a stuchie" or "Whit a stramash"

    Such a fuss, pickle of bother, a stramash is bigger than a stuchie.

    "Dinny git yir knickers in a fankle"

    Don't fret so!

    It's no the cough that cairries ye aff, it's the coffin they cairry ye off in!!

    You don't need to worry about your cough, worry instead about your coffin.

    Yi've a face like a Christmas card ...eih greetin

    You do rather a lot of crying (Cheers Gin!!!)

    My old guest buik

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