Troo Traveller's Report!

The following is a true record of one weary souls plans and adventures into teuchter land, written by herself to all her Epals. This is a true record for I was that weary soul.

Okay Pals,
Ahm back fa ma holidays Thoacht Ahd share wi yi some o thi things Ah intended fur tae dae an how Ah goat oan at dayin them. Alternately things Ah intended no tae dae an if a managed it or no.

Things tae dae...

Pass through Glencoe and feel minuscule at the beauty and grandeur of the place as the narrow winding road cuts through these craggy slopes.

Crapped it and went up the A9 instead

Go and check out Loch Ness again, and find out if it is truly as awe inspiring and timeless as I remember it.

It nearly was timeless, my hand break failed on a 1: 12 brae after the car had stalled and very nearly backed onto a blind corner on the twisty winding A82

Visit the Loch Ness Exhibition in Drummnadrochet nothing very spectacular about that but I do love that name so I had to tell you about it.

Still nothing special about it but I had to remortgage the house to meet the entry fee.

Sail out on the Moray Firth, preferably when the weather is blowy and the sea is choppy, so we, in the boat, are tossed about and splashed till we are drouchet. I want to see the dolphins play in the water.

Must have seen about 30 dolphins all told but none on the boat trip did get drouchet though it was bucketin (raining rather hard) Met a Geordie who was going to deck Dave Gillfilan of North Sea Gas for being a "racialist". I wonder if that the same as a racist!

Visit the haunting and emotional battle sight of Culloden and view again where the swine Cumberland slaughtered the forces of Charlie. (my clan were on Cumberland's side)

I was out voted on this one and was not allowed to go. Mother suggested that I should console myself with the fact that I saw plenty signs for it.

Visit Fort George, the largest forte ever built in Yuk Yuk Britain, and be a red coat soldier in Hanovarian George's army for the day.

My son was arrested for being a Jacobite. The army where having a display in an adjacent field and Tony got to play with some very sophisticated equipment. He also got to have a pillow fight with someone on "the greasy poll" and was soundly whipped. He had a brilliant time.

Read the Mac Dummies Guide to the Inter net

Still waiting on this . But I did read three other books on the subject of the internet so who knows what I'll get up to next.
For a start I will stop reading **lol** as lots of love. It does make a difference.

Read a piece of adult fiction.

I read the Daily Record one day ( non indigenous Scots this is a rag which proports to be a news paper but is in fact a fan magazine for the labour party and the best selling paper in Scotland)

Find some more folk tae bleather tae.

Nae problem

See the singing group North Sea Gas and belt out Flower of Scotland at the top of my lungs.

Had a ball.(-:

Dance to The Music Man , Maccerana ect and other stupid wee dances.

I even managed some house music and the Spice Girls. The Gay Gordon's, Military two step and other Scottish dances that I can't spell.

Find new and inventive ways to embarrass Gemma ( I take my parental duties very seriously even on holiday)

HOT TIP!! When seeking to embarrass your teenage daughter use the gents toilets works every time!!

Slow dance with a cat (guess you had to be there)


Yes !!!! still got it.

Keep the neighbours wondering as the caravan rocks every morning as mother and I practice our yoga.

Bought a new video to practice with but there was no VCR in the caravan (duh!)

Take my high heeled wellington boots (one must always look ones best)

Boy did I need them it was teamin it down (raining very heavily) for FOUR days

Things Ah'm no gonna dae.

Shout at the Weans (That is why I am taking my mother. Why keep a dog and bark yourself)

Old habits die hard by the end of the week both of us were screaming at them

Fight with my mother but still not let her boss me about.

Did not fight with her but told her on several occasions she Âwas not the boss of me' and that I would do as she requested ...
1* of my own free will:
2* out of respect for her great age:

Get drunk ( I couldn't keep up with my mother)

She's an old soak getting. I do a pretty good impression of her now when she is drunk. I did start to get drunk one night but gave up because I was away from my Mac and could not do any damage.

Buy any Christmas presents (I was finished my Christmas shopping by August last year)

I bought one Christmas present.

Write any letters Email or otherwise (Mac isn't a lap top which is probably just as well cause if it was I'd buy an adapter for my mobile)

Succeeded but the temptation to go to a library and log on was over powering

Smoke in the caravan

They wouldn't let me smoke in the car either. (Lousy selfish pigs I remember the days when the driver/ mummy was the boss)

Do the washing, ironing, cooking or dishes (that's for when I come back)

Up to my ears in it folks. Five wash loads out another in the machine and it is still bucketin (raining very heavily)