Count on Me
by Robert Hiedbreder
(Oxford Uni 1985)
10 fingers and toes,
2 eyes, 2 ears, 1 nose,
2 legs, 2 arms, 1 chin,
1 mouth with thirty teeth therein,
2 knees, 1 front , 1 back,
1 name like Jill or Jack,
2 feet, 2 hands, 2 sides,
1 body with a heart inside |
Deborah Delore
by Anon
Deborah Delore,
she liked a bit of fun-
She went to the bakers shop,
and bought a penny bun.
She dipped it in some treacle,
and threw it at the teacher.
Deborah Delore,
what a wicked creature
Taken from "The Orchard Book of Funny Poems"
compiled by Wendy Cope Orchard books, 1993,
London
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Homework ! Oh, Homework !
by Jack Prelutsky
Homework ! Oh, homework !
I hate you, you stink!
I wish I could wash you
away in the sink,
if only a bomb
would explode you to bits.
Homework ! Oh, homework !
You're giving me fits.
I*d rather take baths
with a man eating shark,
or a wrestle a lion
alone in the dark,
eat spinach and liver,
pet ten porcupines,
than tackle the homework
my teacher assigns.
Homework ! Oh, homework !
You're last on my list,
I simply can't see
why you even exist,
if you disappeared
it would tickle me pink.
Homework ! Oh, homework !
I hate you, you stink!
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THE LESSON
by Roger McGough
A poem that raises the question:
Should there be capital punishment in schools?
Chaos ruled OK in the classroom
as bravely the teacher walked in
the hooligans ignored him
his voice was lost in the din
The theme for today is violence
and homework will be set
I'm going to teach you a lesson
one that you'll never forget*
He picked on a boy who was shouting
and throttled him then and there
the garrotted the girl behind him
(the one with the grotty hair)
Then sword in hand he hacked his way
between the chattering rows
First come, first severed* he declared
fingers, feet, or toes*
He threw the sword at a latecomer
it struck with deadly aim
then pulling out a shotgun
he continued with his game
The first blast cleared the back row
(where those who skive hang out)
they collapsed like rubber dinghies
when the plugs pulled out
Please may I leave the room sir?*
a trembling vandal inquired
Of course you may* said teacher
put the gun to his temple and fired
The Head popped a head round the doorway
to see why a din was being made
nodded understandingly
then tossed in a grenade
And when the ammo was well spent
with blood on every chair
Silence shuffled forward
with its hands up in the air
The teacher surveyed the carnage
the dying and the dead
He waggled a finger severely
Now let that be a lesson he said
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The Lion's Den
by Colin McNaughton
́Bring your pets in tomorrow*
We'll have a jolly nice time*.
To teacher, a pet means a gerbil:
She obviously hasn't seen mine
Taken from "The Orchard Book of Funny Poems"
compiled by Wendy Cope
Orchard books, 1993, London
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